So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
