Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
