i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
