My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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