so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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