just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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