matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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