Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
