I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
