Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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