How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My legs feel like baby dolphins