bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old