Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
These tits shall not be calmed
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
