you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
