just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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