I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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