you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
