I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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