Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
