Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
