i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
