make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
