No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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