Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
