Welp...herpes.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
