i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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