we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
