Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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