if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
