maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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