i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
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I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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