I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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