I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
