She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
