Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
