You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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