How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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