Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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