Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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