I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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