how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
