Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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