Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
