Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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