I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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