i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
