I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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