Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
last night I used snow as a chaser
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
