Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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