Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
