he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
