so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize