No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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