I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am midnight drunk by noon
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
