Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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