he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
