This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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