Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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