I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
