Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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