Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
