i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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