Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
