a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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