we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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