Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
