I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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