The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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