just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
