Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
