There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
