Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Boobs are out for the taking
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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