what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
